Paella!!

I wanted paella in the worst way.  I decided to do a crock pot version, since I don't have a paellera, or the pan used to make paella properly in Spain :)
This came out DELICIOUS!

Paella

1.5 lbs chicken breast
2 tablespoons coconut oil
1 large red pepper
1 small onion
1 medium tomato
16 oz chicken broth
2 teaspoons dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1 tsp fresh black pepper
1.5 cups brown rice
6 italian sausages, cooked and cut into .5 inch slices
1/2 bag frozen peas
1 lb cooked shrimp

Brown chicken with oil in frying pan
Add to slowcooker along with diced red pepper, diced onion and diced tomato.
Sprinkle with thyme, turmeric and pepper.
Turn to high for 3 hours or low for 6 hours.
1 hour before serving, add rice, sausage, peas and shrimp
Once most liquid is absorbed and rice is tender, enjoy!

The BEST GF Brownies ever!! Dark chocolate, also soy, egg, dairy and nut free

2 Cups Gluten Free Flour
1 1/2 Cups Organic Cane Sugar
1/2 Cup Organic Light Brown Sugar
1 tsp GF Baking Powder
1 tsp Sea Salt (1/2 tsp Sea Salt for the top--- optional)
3/4 Cup Unsweetened Special Dark Cocoa Powder
1/2 tsp Xanthan Gum
1/2 Cup Enjoy Life Minichips
1 Cup water
1 Cup Expeller Pressed Canola Oil
1/2 Cup Pumpkin Puree
1 tsp Organic Vanilla

Mix all dry ingredients (except chocolate chips) in one bowl.  Mix wet ingredients in separate bowl.  Combine. Spread in 13 X 9 pan. Top with Chips.  Bake on 375 for 35 to 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Fruit and Veggie Muffins

I have 2 children in my house.  One picky one, one who LOVES to shove food in his face.  These are loved by both. 

4 T dairy free spread (I like Earth Balance soy free)
1/2 cup brown sugar (or agave nectar or honey, depending on the age of the child...)
3/4 cup veggie puree (I used sweet potato, asparagus and broccoli that I had left over from before Anthony decided purees are for chumps.)
2 single serve unsweetened applesauce cups (I use 365 brand from Whole Foods Market)
1/2 cup banana puree
1 1/2 t vanilla extract
1 egg (or 1 egg worth of egg replacer)
1 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
3/4 t xanthan gum (can be eliminated if using flour that contains gluten)
2 cup gluten free flour blend (or flour, up to you)
1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 cup blueberries

Preheat oven to 350.  Grease muffin tin with canola oil.
Combine spread and brown sugar til completely mixed. Add veggie puree, applesauce and banana puree. Add vanilla and egg. 

In separate bowl combine all dry ingredients and slowly add to mix.  Combine but do not over mix.  Mixture should be a bit lumpy. 

Fold in blueberries. Divide into muffin tins.  Divide between muffin tins.  Makes 12 muffins.
Cook 18 minute.  Done when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Enjoy!

Blueberry Breakfast Cake. My way!

I found this AMAZING recipe on Pinterest the other day for Buttermilk Blueberry Breakfast Cake I was sooo sad that I couldn't eat it.  You know, cause of Anthony's allergies and all... And I realized that I could if I tried hard enough, edit the recipe so I could eat it.  I went into it knowing that I may have to make a few attempts to make it perfect and edible, but I thought it was worth a shot.

But...

I GOT IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!!!!!


Here's the recipe:

1/2 cup unsalted butter room temperature unrefined coconut oil
2 tsp. lemon zest or more — zest from 1 large lemon lemon juice
7/8 cup + 1 T. sugar
1 egg, room temperature egg worth of egg replacer (follow instructions on the box)
1 tsp. vanilla2 cups flour Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Baking Flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. kosher salt
1/2 tsp. xanthan gum
2 cups fresh blueberries 1 cup fresh strawberries chopped and 1 cup fresh blueberries
½ cup buttermilk Silk Vanilla Almond Milk

I followed the directions from the original recipe, substituting my ingredients for the ones in the directions.  And also made the following changes:

1. Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Cream butter coconut oil with lemon zest juice and 7/8 cup of the sugar until light and fluffy.
2. Add the egg egg substitute mixture vanilla and beat until combined. Meanwhile, toss the blueberries blueberries and strawberries with ¼ cup of flour gluten free flour, then whisk together the remaining flour gluten free flour, baking powder, xanthan gum and salt.
3. Add the flour gluten free flour mixture to the batter a little at a time, alternating with the buttermilk almond milk. Fold in the blueberries blueberries and strawberries.
4. Grease a 9-inch square baking pan (or something similar) with butter canola oil or coat with non-stick spray. Spread batter into pan. Sprinkle batter with remaining tablespoon of sugar. Bake for 35 45 minutes.
Check with a toothpick for doneness. If necessary, return pan to oven for a couple of more minutes. Let cool at least 10 minutes before serving.




I was able to put about 8 servings that were Anthony's size in the freezer in individual bags.  I will let you know how they are out of the freezer.












******Just a disclaimer.  I REALLY wish I could eat the recipe I found on Pinterest.  Like, more than you can imagine.  Blueberries and buttermilk are 2 of the most amazing things the world has to offer.  I love 'em.  I also LOVE lemon zest, but considering I wanted to feed this to Anthony, I wasn't entirely sure how he'd do with that... So I changed it to lemon juice.  I took the vanilla out because there is vanilla in the almond milk.  I added xanthan gum only because I had to make it gluten free, therefore had to add it to hold it together.  I only added strawberries because Anthony loves them, and I had a BUNCH of them that wouldn't be good much longer in my fridge, so I decided to try them in it.  I used this recipe as a guide for the blueberry cake I've been wanting to try to make, and it came out sooooo good!!!!  Thanks to  Alexandra for giving me the tools I needed to make it happen!!

Turkey Meat Loaf

This is a meal that my 8 month old will shove into his face, and my 5 and a half year old step daughter will eat without complaining.  I eat it as well, and love every minute.
If you don't have kids you have NO idea how HUGE this is!

2 tablespoons water
1.5 tsp Ener-G egg replacer
1.5 lb Ground turkey (both white and dark if available)
2 cups chopped spinach
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 small apples, peeled and diced
1 medium zucchini, diced
3/4 cup cooked quinoa
1/2 cup gluten free oats
1 teaspoon ketchup or tomato paste
1 tsp cilantro
1/4 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
salt and pepper to taste

Combine egg substitute and water and add the rest of the ingredients. Roll into two large oval shaped loaves. Place in glass pan coated in olive oil. Cook on 375 for 40 minutes or until cooked through. I have added diced sweet potatoes, butternut squash, pears, turnip, carrots and or parsnips in place of ingredient. The most tasty combo I've tried is the one I put in the recipe. I've found it to hold together better too.

Eat Freely.

I have to tell you.  I have a new obsession.  Enjoy Life snacks.  All of them are great, really... But I am pretty obsessed with their new Crunchy Vanilla Honey Graham Cookies.  I am thoroughly addicted.  All the crunchy cookies are good.... But these ones are amazing... I need to stop and just tell you a little more about why their products are so good.  But hold on, I need to eat another cookie first.

Enjoy Life is a company that was founded in 2001 by a man named Scott Mandell.  It is, and always has been, a dedicated nut and gluten free company, but all their products are free of wheat, dairy, soy, peanuts, eggs, tree nuts, fish and shellfish.  Most products they make are also free of potatoes, sulfites, sesame and casein.  They were also the first company EVER to be certified by the Gluten Free Certification Organization.  Do you understand how great this is??!  People who have food allergies can just pick up a box of their snacks and eat them without wondering whether they'll react.  People like me, who breastfeed their allergic babies, can eat whatever they want.. and not wonder how their baby will be later.  It is just a freedom that people don't get when eating products made elsewhere.  I am newly gluten, soy, dairy and egg free and can't find many products that I can eat freely, so Enjoy Life has been such a relief for me.

I recently tried their Chocolate For Baking.  The Megachunks, I tried first, and made the blondie recipe on the box.  I love love loved the chunks themselves, but since having a baby 8 months ago, I've completely lost my brain.  I didn't read the recipe right, I guess.  It called for only 1 cup of the megachunks, but I think I forgot to read the directions.  I added the whole bag and the blondies didn't cook all the way through.  I keep meaning to try them again, but haven't gotten to.  I did try the mini chips and was EXTREMELY satisfied.  I made double chocolate gluten, soy, dairy and egg free cookies and they turned out fantastic!!! The Double Chocolate Granola contains the mini chips, and Oh Em Gee!!  I couldn't get enough of that either!   

I'm so excited that I found this stuff as I was finding out JUST how many allergies my son has.  Seems to me we'll be loyal shoppers for EVER!!

Double Chocolate Cookies, free of most allergens, of course :)

1/3 cup Enjoy Life Mini Chunks
1 cup dairy free butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
3 tsp Ener-G Egg Replacer
4 tablespoons water
1/3 cup cocoa powder
2 cups gf flour mix of your choice (I use Namaste Perfect Flour Blend or Brown Rice Flour)
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
1 tsp baking soda
10 oz bag dairy free chips
Heat choc chips in microwave in 30 second intervals until melted.  Set aside to cool.  Combine egg replacer and water and stir well, set aside.
Combine butter, sugars and vanilla in large bowl. Add egg replacer mixture and mix until fluffy. Add cooled choc chips, mix well.
Add cocoa, flour, xanthan gum and baking soda. Mix until combined.
Fold in chips.
Bake on 350 for 11 or so minutes until tops start to crack.

OMG, I needed a fix!!!!  I got it.  This was AWESOME!!! Also, Gluten free, Soy free, Dairy free and Egg free :)
Enjoy!

Soap... The easy and all natural way....

First of all, let me say, it's been a week since I promised to post this recipe for soap, but I'm a busy Mommy... and frankly, there wasn't enough time. 
And just to let you know, I really wanted to make the soap completely from scratch, but because of a bunch of meth heads who use potassium hydroxide, or lye, to make drugs, it is illegal to buy it in the solid form unless you are a known "soap maker."  Whatever that means!  So we used solid castile soap and ground it down with a cheese grater and added what we wanted to it.  Also, I have 2 kids in the house under 5.  Using lye can be dangerous in its raw form.  (when you use lye in soap making, all of it is cooked off when saponifying oils into soap and glycerin... according to Dr. Bronner)
This is how we made all natural castile soap, as close to from scratch as we could:

1 bar Dr. Bronner's Baby Mild Castile Bar Soap
2 tablespoons coconut oil
1/8 cup calendula water (directions to make this are below)
3 drops lavender oil
4 drops tea tree oil

Grate down the bar soap, or process in the food processor.  Add grated soap, and coconut oil and calendula water to a double boiler, with about a cup of water in the bottom pan, so you don't scorch the soap.  Heat on medium until all soap melts and a liquid is achieved.  Add essential oils of your choice. 


Essential Oils can be found here. Feel free to look at uses of them and choose a combination that suits your needs.  The soap we made is good for eczema and dry skin, also has a calming scent.  If you are not using calendula (for eczema) you can just use an 1/8 cup distilled water.


Calendula water:

1 cup dried calendula flowers (from a health food store)
1 cup water

Boil water.  Add calendula flowers and remove from heat.  Allow to steep for 1 hour or more for a stronger "tea."  Allow to cool before adding to soap.  Use whatever is left over for an eczema mist.  Put it in a spray bottle and mist on affected area to soothe it. 

Happy soap making!!

Ginger Carrot Soup, the way I like it :)

So, since having my son, I have become much more cognizant of what I put in my body because, well frankly, I'm not gonna put just anything in his.  So, I've been doing more shopping at farmer's markets, health food stores, such as Good Health Natural Foods, and Whole Foods Market.  I recently took a friend to Good Health to see how awesome their selection is, and we happened upon ginger carrot soup, and I remembered making it a long time ago, but set out to perfect my recipe.  I am done, and here it is:

Ginger Carrot Soup (of course, gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free)

4 tablespoons olive oil
1 diced onion
3 tablespoons minced garlic (or 4 cloves, crushed)
2 pounds peeled chopped organic carrots
5 generous tablespoons minced fresh organic ginger root.
4 cups vegetable stock
*I make my own with 36 ounces water, an onion, 2 carrots, 2 celery stalks, 3 or 4 tablespoons tomato paste and salt and pepper and I let it cook in the crock pot for 10 hours or so, and then strain out the veggies but store bought is ok too*
2 cups Silk Pure Almondmilk, unsweetened

Heat oil in a skillet and add onion and garlic.  Saute til both are cooked but not burned.  Add carrots and saute only til they are coated with the oil, then transfer all of this, plus the ginger to a soup pot along with the vegetable stock.  Bring to a boil, then immediately turn down to the minimum setting.  Leave to simmer until carrots are tender, about an hour.  Allow to cool for about 30 minutes.  Place in a food processor on the puree setting in stages until all of the soup is pureed.  Return to soup pot and add almondmilk.  Simmer for another 15 minutes, and serve hot. 

*I ate it all too fast to take a picture... Next time I eat it, I'll be sure to get out the camera before I get out my spoon :)
Enjoy!!

The best cupcakes I can eat...

Ok.... So Delina wanted to make cupcakes yesterday.  This is my take on the recipes I searched through yesterday, and guess what?!  First time ever making gluten free cupcakes was a huge success.  They were DELICIOUS.  I even let her pick out some food dye free sprinkles, because food dyes drive me insane!!!  Here is what we did!!  Enjoy!!


Gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free Vanilla Cupcakes
2 tablespoons canola oil

1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 1/4 cup Bob's Red Mill gluten free all purpose baking flour
1/4 tsp non iodized sea salt
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
1/2 cup  canola oil
1/2 cup Silk Pure Almondmilk, unsweetened
1 tsp pure vanilla extract


Preheat oven to 350. Position rack in centre of oven. Grease cupcake pan with canola oil and set aside. Add sugar and eggs to large bowl mix thoroughly, until fluffy. Add flour, salt, baking powder, xanthan gum, oil, milk and vanilla. Mix for 2 minutes. Pour batter into prepared pan. Place in centre of oven and bake for about 20 minutes or until centre springs back when touched and cupcakes are very lightly browned (bake about 35 minutes for nine-inch round, 40 minutes for eight-inch round). Cool on rack for five minutes. Remove cupcakes from pan onto rack and cool completely before icing.

Gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free frosting

Pamela's gluten free vanilla frosting mix

6 tablespoons Earth's Balance Soy free spread

2 tablespoons water

1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract.

Combine all ingredients and mix well. 

Top with India Tree Sparkling Sugar.  Because I HATE FOOD DYES :)

More things I've figured out since going gluten-free...

Let me start by saying, it's never fun to see your baby suffer.  Anthony has been having a tough time digesting things and getting lots of eczema since his first week of life.  Because I'm breastfeeding, this meant I had to alter my diet.  We thought it was all dairy.  Maybe soy.  But I was having trouble sticking to a completely soy and dairy free diet, and being not completely convinced that was what was causing the issues, I wasn't very strict about it.  We visited Children's Hospital Boston a week ago to see an allergy doctor and it was there we got some answers.  Before the test, the doctor suggested I switch to formula so that I can stop stressing about my diet.  Gosh, he doesn't know how much work we put in to get this far did he.  THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN.... I hadn't even thought of that as an option... I decided I'd alter my diet, no matter what it took.

In the office Anthony tested positive for an allergy to soy and WHEAT!  Wheat???  I had NO idea.  And negative for both casein and milk, or so I thought.  A couple hours later, I learned the truth.  Anthony is allergic to milk, highly so, but the reaction is a bit delayed.  Therefore, it's more dangerous because it could come on hours, or even days after he consumes something  he's allergic to.  He will be retested for milk and casein in July just to be sure.  So on my way home from this appointment, I went shopping and bought gluten free stuff to get be started.  His rash literally cleared up in 2 or 3 days, and I only used the medication for his face 2 or 3 times.  Tuesday, 4 days after the test, I worked and he drank some milk that had been pumped before the change.  And his rash came back.... Poor boy.  Well, at least we know.  And at least now they have some great stuff out there.  Here is what I've learned so far!

Gluten free flour, by Bob's Red Mill is amazing stuff.  Whoever invented this is an amazing person, truth be told.  I made cookies today, substituting this flour for all purpose flour and the cookies are amazing.  They taste the same as the original.  All you need to do is add a touch of xanthan gum to get the cookies to have the same texture and stick right, and voila.... You can't even tell the difference...
Another thing I've found is Udi Breads.  Delicious.  Enjoy Life Foods makes the best cookies.  Free from the 8 most common allergens.  And Ener-G gluten free low protein and dairy free pretzels are sooo good.  Earth's Balance Dairy Free Spreads have rocked my world!!! All this, paired with the fact that Anthony's rash has gotten 100 times better since starting gluten free, makes it all worth it. 

Here is a recipe for Oatmeal Cranberry cookies that are free of gluten, soy and dairy.

1 cup Earth's Balance Soy free spread
1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups gluten free flour
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
3 cups gluten free oats
1 1/2 cups dried cranberries


1. Combine spread, sugars, eggs and vanilla in a bowl, mix til creamy.
2. In a separate bowl, combine all dry ingredients except oats and berries.
3. Slowly add dry mixture to sugar mixture until well blended.
4. Slowly stir in oats, then cranberries.
5. Bake at 350 for 14-18 minutes.


And another recipe... This time for something to go on your bread :)

Fried Bean Burger

1/2 fresh onion, chopped
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 heaping tablespoon minced garlic
1 can red (or kidney) beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can black beans
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon cilantro
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground sea salt
cracked fresh black pepper
1 teaspoon lemon juice, dash hot sauce, rice flour ,more olive oil
 
1. Sautee Chopped fresh onion and minced garlic with oil in a regular sized saute pan, stirring often until onion is cooked through. Do not allow them to burn. Set aside to cool.
2. Open cans of beans, and strain well. Place into food processor and add onion and garlic. Puree. You can do a portion at a time, or all at once and mix frequently. The beans will cling to the blade, so make sure to mix often. I like to leave the mixture a bit chunky.
3. Once mixture is blended, form into patties and dust with gluten free flour.
4. Saute bean cakes in original pan used for onion and garlic, using enough olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan. Let the bean cakes cook for a couple of minutes on each side to form a crispy crust. 
5. Let stand 5 minutes before eating. 
(makes around 10 burgers)

The shadiest chicken nuggets ever...

First things first.  I hide veggies in food.  There, I said it.  I'm a sneak.  I'm dishonest.  I'm a shady shady woman.  But kids need vegetables to get all the vitamins and minerals they need. They know that for some reason we really like it when they eat them.  So they argue, but they have NO idea that they're doing themselves a disservice. And they do taste good... So, get mad if you want, but I'm not completely truthful with kids.  But they'll understand when they get older, I promise :)

You should join me in being dishonest.  It's fun.  I'll tell you how.... Decide for yourself :)

1. Choose the vegetable you will hide based on how well the color of it will be hidden by the food you're adding it to.  Like orange and yellow veggies hide well in mac and cheese because they are the color of the cheese... I like acorn squash, sweet potatoes, carrots and butternut squash to hide here because they disappear. 
      *I have an advantage, however.  I have a baby who eats purees every day that I make myself.  So because I roast, bake or steam the veggies and puree them, then put them in ice cube trays myself, I just add a few cubes of whatever veggie I'm hiding into something.  I puree things pretty finely still for him, so there's not much extra work to be done.  I will get into baby foods and combinations that work here later.

2.  Make sure the flavors aren't too strong to completely change the flavor of what you're making.  For instance, Brussels sprouts and asparagus aren't really good choices to hide. 

3.  Use organic veggies and meat whenever possible.  Look at lists such as the "Dirty Dozen" amd "Clean Fifteen" put out by the EWG when deciding whether to choose Organic.  http://www.foodnews.org/walletguide.php

4.  Don't get too excited they are eating things they always ate. They. will. know.

Chicken/Turkey nuggets

1 pound ground turkey (I use cage free, organic fed, sustainable farming, local turkey)
1 pound ground chicken (I use the same type of chicken, but I buy whole breasts and grind them myself, but you can have the butcher do it, if you want.  It's cheaper and  easier to find this way)
10-15 Organic baby carrots (shredded)
1 small to medium zucchini (shredded)
2 cups bread crumbs (in our house we use Gillian's gluten free bread crumbs)
2 tablespoons olive oil

Combine all ingredients except bread crumbs and oil. 
Dip in bread crumbs by teaspoonful and flatten. 
Place on cookie sheet greased with olive oil. 
Coook for 10 minutes at 350, and flip. 
Continue to cook til done, about 10 more minutes. 
*I place them in a freezer bag in the freezer after they cool.  Then when the kiddos want some, heat them for about a minute and a half in the microwave, or 8 minutes in a 400 degree oven.

Secrets I've learned. Usually from mistakes I've made.

My kiddos

I've decided that from now on I'm going to include posts containing recipes I've either learned or made up, things that work in our house and things that don't. I have an extremely picky 5 year old step daughter who adamantly refuses to eat vegetables, and a very agreeable 5 month old who doesn't give me much trouble, so some the things I do definitely will only work for some babies, but I'm telling you, if it works in my house when it comes to preschool aged children, then most likely, it'll work for anyone. The other thing I should mention is that Anthony is allergic to wheat, soy and milk we found out recently.  So, most of the things I make are free of gluten, soy and dairy.  If something contains something from this list, I will note that it is not free of allergens.

Homemade chicken nuggets

First, I have a habit of hiding veggies in anything Delina will eat.  Zucchini and squash in chicken nuggets, carrots and sweet potatoes in mac and cheese, broccoli and spinach in meatballs and hamburgers and my favorite, any veggie I have in the house goes in my tomato sauce when we make homemade pizza.  My food processor is my best friend.  I'm not kidding.  All these veggies can easily be hidden if they are pureed, and if you do it right, they won't even taste a difference. 

Homemade Meatballs
With Gluten free Pasta

I also make all my own baby food.  This is another reason I love my food processor.  I will share secrets about this as well.

Last... cleaning supplies.  I make them myself, or use green, if I can't make a better one myself.  I will give you my thoughs on this... I also will definitely let you know when I find an awesome product you should know about!!!

The most rewarding journey of my life...

So, I thought a post about my breast feeding journey would be appropriate, since this defines my life at the moment. 

Before I got pregnant, more like before I got into a serious relationship, I would say things like, "I couldn't IMAGINE breastfeeding.  I couldn't have a child's mouth on my BOOB.  Ugh." This was before I became more cognizant of being more green, organic foods and homeopathic remedies.  Once I realized how much good eating natural foods, using natural products and eliminating a reasonable amount of chemicals, medications and hormones from our lives can do, I decided maybe breastfeeding wouldn't be all that bad. 

That being said, I had officially decided being a "step-mom" was an adequate substitute for having children of my own, because, as I often said, "I get all the benefits of motherhood without ruining my vagina."  Oh goodness was I in for it! 

Needless to say, my getting pregnant was a surprise.  A big one, actually.  I wasn't expecting it, but ironically, I found out I was pregnant on Mothers' Day last year.  How appropriate!  And then began my journey of becoming as natural a parent as was possible.  I'm realizing that I have a long way to go, but I'm slowly eliminating all chemicals from my life and my son's life.  It's hard to eliminate them completely from Delina's life, however, since she is in another home a few days a week, and I'm sure she's exposed to crazy stuff there.  But at least I know my house is on its way to being as earth friendly as possible. 

I removed my nipple rings as soon as I found out they could hinder my ability to breastfeed.  This was a huge moment for me, as I loved those things.  Who knows why, but I had a lot of pride in them.  And I started eating as healthfully as possible.  I say as possible because when I was pregnant, I couldn't keep anything down for days at a time, so whatever I could keep in my belly in these times I would just eat.

Then came my decision to have a midwife instead of an obstetrician.  And a natural birth.  The natural birth had to go out the window, but I'll tell you more about that in another post.  But in all of this, the most important thing to me was quickly being skin to skin with my son so that he could latch right away and we could be on our way.  I did end up with skin to skin contact within 10 minutes (he was examined by NICU docs because of meconium in the water, but they were quick).  And my son latched on like a pro.  Or so they told me.  Later that day, however, my left nipple hurt so bad I could scream!  I guess I have a dimpled nipple.  So, a LC came in to help me and we decided I should pump on the left and feed on the right until it healed. 2 days after being home, I just fed him right from the tap most of the time.  I couldn't be bothered with a middle man. 

I'd like to say it's been smooth sailing since.  I'd be lying.  We spent the first 2 weeks having weight checks because he wasn't gaining weight fast enough.  It took him 2 and a half weeks to get to his birth weight.  There have been many days when all I want is to have 4 or 5 hours without my boob in a kid's mouth.  Anthony spent 3 weeks not having a bowel movement without the assistance of a suppository, only to find out he's allergic to milk protein, which I've had to eliminate from my diet.  I've also cried myself to sleep because it hurts so much. Some days he squeezes so hard because of my fast let down and tears pieces of my skin off.  I needed a few hours of a break once because I had nothing pumped and I was nervous about that. I gave him an ounce of soy formula in his bottle.  This caused the same reaction we found from the milk protein.  I felt so badly for days!

We've had some bumps but we've found what works for us.  I've eliminated both milk and soy from my diet, and he's been pooping regularly, and feeling much better.  He's been sleeping through the night almost since the day we got home from the hospital, except for some extremely gassy nights.  And I have continued giving him one bottle of pumped milk when I'm signaling that it's bedtime, because that's what we did from day one, and why change something that works so well?

Once Anthony started gaining weight, he didn't stop.  He's up to 13 and a half pounds up from 7 pounds 10 ounces.  And he just turned 3 months last week.  He is the happiest baby ever, and when I look at him, I can't even begin to describe how good it feels to know that this kid, with all his rolls and chub, has gained as much as he has gained because I chose to stick with it.  I was determined to give him the best I could give him, and, so far, I'm succeeding.

I'm hoping to breastfeed for at least a year, maybe a bit longer. Hopefully I can reach this goal.

Update... I no longer give Anthony a bottle of expressed milk at night.  Turns out the older they get the smarter they get.  He started rejecting my breast and screaming when it wasn't coming out fast enough.  So, now he gets fed before bed directly from the tap... And I'm happy to report it works better and he sleeps longer, in his own crib, in his own room, usually for 12 hours a night :)

All smiles...

So, there are so many stories I could tell about my journey of becoming a "mom." There are so many stories I could also tell about becoming a Mom.  I have stories about breastfeeding, and childbirth.  I have stories about 5 year old Delina, and the beginnings of our relationship.  We'll eventually get to them.  I promise...  (I know you must have been worried that I wasn't gonna EVER tell you all about my experiences breastfeeding.... but they're coming!).  The defining moment in my journey so far has to be the moment my son Anthony first smiled at me.  There were several tiny smirks before that, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will ever compare to the first time he opened his mouth, showed me his gums and his whole face, eyes and all, smiled at me.  It was around 7 pm on February 8th.  I was sitting on the couch, Anth on my lap.  I was talking to him, just as I always had... and he looked at me and smiled soooo big he melted my heart.  I literally started crying.  (Why is it that we as mothers cry the first time we see our children smile?  Isn't that weird?) He did it twice in a row, which made me cry just a bit harder... Then, being a typical mother, (although I hate to admit that...) I called everyone who I thought would care, even a litle bit, and told them how my big boy had smiled.

I cried again at 5 the next morning when he was up for a feed and smiled at me again.  I cried again every time he smiled at me for the next few days.  I still, almost 2 months later, melt each and every time I see that smile.  The best part about it has got to be that no matter how sad he is, I can get him to smile at me.  That's the definition of the love that exists between a mother and her son.  It's gotta be!

So here I am.

If you had asked me a five years ago what I'd be doing in five years, being a mom wouldn't have been in the top five things on my list.  Hell, it wouldn't have even made the list at all.  Not because I didn't want to ever be a mom.  Not even because I was opposed to doing it so soon.  But because I just didn't forsee it.  Not even a little bit.

That being said, even further from possibly being in my future would have been almost every part of the situation I am in.  Did I know I'd be divorced?  No.  Did I know my other half would be such a perfect fit for me that I'd have to pinch myself on a daily basis, just to find out whether I was dreaming?  No.  Did I know I'd be in a commited relationship with another man at all?  No.

Even as surprising as all these things would seem to me (maybe not to everyone, especially those who don't know me, but to me), the situation I am in now breaks my number one rule.  This man that I consider my other half, the most compatible partner I could ever have, has a daughter of his own, from a previous relationship.  Not only does he have a child with another woman, he has sole custody of his daughter.  And we all live together.  She tells people I am her step-mom.  She very often asks if she can call me mommy.  And it doesn't bother me.  At all.

Delina is, at times, very difficult to live with.  Not because she's not a lovely girl, but because the situation with her Mom is very stressful.  And she is supposed to visit with her Mom weekly.  This is as specific as I'll get on that subject because this is her cross to bear, not mine.  And frankly, it's none of anyone else's business.  But Delina can be very oppositional, she can pit her father and I against each other, and she is extremely strong willed.  When she's not thinking about how to push our buttons, though, she is just like any 5 year old girl.  She is very playful, funny and insightful.  She is waaay too smart for  her own good sometimes.  And I'm sure her intelligence level makes it even more difficult to live in a split family, because she understands it.  All of it. 

None of these things make me regret being in the situation I am in. Not even a little bit.  I am happier than I have ever been, and I'm learning how to be a mom as I go.  It was thrown in my lap, and now that I am a Mom to my own son, I'm glad I had the practice. And I welcome all of it.  Probably because this is where I'm supposed to be.  And this is exactly when I am supposed to be here.  I'm sure of it.